and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How's work?
Spinning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
