the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
