somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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