just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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