i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
