I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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