Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
