If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
