i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
