Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
