the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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