U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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