Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
