wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
