You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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