I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
