Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
