If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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