You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
