just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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