can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want a musical about memes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
