You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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