Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
