i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love you. Go after that dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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