I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize