I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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