your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
