I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
