Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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