matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
