just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
