I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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