better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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