I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's official drugs can't kill me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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