Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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