I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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