Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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