Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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