whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
