so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
