Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
