I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
