Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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