He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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