Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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