there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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