You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
