That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
