I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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