you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
