I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
