but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
