Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
