I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
