I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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