We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
