Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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