I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
