Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
