It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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