Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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