Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
