Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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